I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
