If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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