her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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