I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize