I wish I only lived at night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
