What a fucking waste of an outfit
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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