Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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