when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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