Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
