i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Church boner. Awkwardddd
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
