Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize