my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
