I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
