What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
