he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
