Already got asked if we're dating
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
