i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
