Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
