i think my tv is drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
