she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
