i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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