I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
