yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize