i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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