he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He passed out mid-signature
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
