I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
