just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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