You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
