I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
