i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
