I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
