Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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