Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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