I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize