she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
