So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize