i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
