there was a trapeze. enough said
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
