i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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