There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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