you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
