i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
