Welp...herpes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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