OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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