If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
