sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That accounts for only three of the penises
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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