Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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