I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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