you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
