I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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