So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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