Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
