it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
