Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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