She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My penis needs a shock collar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
