ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize