i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
