i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize