She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
