Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
