so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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