and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
