better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
