the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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