Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
