no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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