I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
